a little escapism before breakfast

upsidedown

2011-06-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

i feel like the universe is really trying to knock me on my arse at the moment. bad news coming at me left, right and centre. i am swinging wildly between falling apart and being the inner monologue of reason. there is not much in the middle.

a merica.

2011-02-24T12:50:00.000-08:00

Its thursday. I leave on tuesday.

I keep juggling everything I need to do in my head and only some of it gets written down; hopefully the more important things. Left to do....

hand washing

washing washing

pack

wax

notify the bank of my travel plans so they don't cancel my cards

calm down

get currency

read the rest of my NYC guidebook

oh and a little of the organising in NC.

do i need to take sun glasses??

2011-01-30T15:21:00.001-08:00

some days i'm lonely.

some days i'm just alone.

american dreams

2011-01-28T06:11:00.000-08:00

I have had 3 bad dreams about my America trip so far he first two were that I got there and realised I had forgotten to bring my camera. Then last night I had a dream that my whole family (including gran) flew over and then my mum, dad and gran left me and Simon to travel around together. I had a real sense of abandonment at that point and we were left with a car that neither of us could drive and nowhere to sleep, though I think now... why didn't we just sleep in the car?! Then the next bad bit was I was on a minibus coming home from the airport with some of my friends from Cumbria who also had been travelling in America and I was trying to tell them about my trip and I couldn't remember ANYTHING to tell them about. I started crying because I couldn't remember anything and didn't have any memories of my trip and then I looked at my emails on my phone and found emails I had sent that showed me some of our activities. The main one that featured in the dream was that we had been to the office and gallery of this website that took two famous people and made pictures of what their kids would look like!!!

I hope I have some funerer things to do when I go for real!

and on to 2011....

2011-01-25T09:42:00.000-08:00

This year is going to be great. So far on the agenda....

5 week trip to America, stopping in NYC, Portland, Denver, Madison, Asheville, Wilmington, DC and back to NYC. Seeing all my favourite people that still have hands and fingers that enable them to write back.

I think i'm going to Wales in May with mum, dad and Si.

We've already done one trade fair with Emily's Ark which went really well and we have another one in a week.

I just bought some great new boots.

I am expecting two engagements this year, both of which I am finger crossing for maid of honour duties. Not that I'd know how to do that.

2010 was the year that...

2011-01-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

My second degree came to an end, we had an auction night in the Tyneside Coffee Room, an exhibition at school and then and exhibition in London at the AoP. It was all a bit of an anti-climax and I left it feeling the same way I did the first time, dispirited and disappointed. Though I did just squeeze a 1st. Since then I have done very little to nothing and barely kept in touch with people from my course. In fact I just deleted some of them from FB.

The housing situation changed; Rhys, Lex and Kerri all left and Orla, Markus and Mandy all moved in. We're still at 95 in a damp mould ridden house with faulty heating and less drain pipes since the snow.

Snow! There was lots of it and I loved it. It just kept snowing and snowing. I walked in the park and grinned at the sky and blinked the flakes out of my lashes. Amazing fun to walk in the snow, even if it was just to and from bus stops.

My great uncle Norman had his 80th birthday and there was a large family gathering to celebrate. Our family doesn't really gather and it was great to feel a part of something bigger than just us Perrys. I tried to maintain contact but I failed, he only lives in Witley Bay but not near any public transport so I was reliant on him for lifts to and from which meant I had to play by his schedule which discouraged me greatly.

I had a lovely birthday with friends from home and Newcastle and a meal at Bruges in Jesmond followed by drinks at the Cluny.

I got a second job. It started as an unpaid internship but after 2weeks I was offered 2days a week paid so I jumped at the chance. I was working 7days a week for a while but now I'm back down to a sturdy 6! Emily's Ark is a small creative business designing and hand crafting teddy bears and other animals. I learnt SAGE and a bit about marketing and made a very good friend in Tor Fenton who I desperately miss since she moved home to Brighton. We did a number of Xmas Fairs and I attended the Country Living on in Glasgow. It was bit of a bust business wise but great fun to be there. I also helped to gain us some exposure by sending Vincent the Elephant to Dannii Minogue and she tweeted about Emily's Ark.

The restaurant is failing quite miserably, the Metro Centre is designed to take business away from us. I got a promotion so I am the In-Store Trainer but we have had few new recruits and what we have had are shit. We have a new guy who I think will be really good, if they would just let me train him instead of having him as a food runner. I need to put my foot down. Although we have been busier over Xmas and New Year its still not really enough.

Xmas was lovely, I got 4 days off!! Lovely to see my family and have everyone together. Brilliant to see Hazel and her family. Hearty hugs from friends and people I generally miss. Why can't everyone just move to Newcastle??

New Year was a funsome event. Me and Kerri went for lunch and then to see Burlesque starring Cher, Christina Aguilera and Stanley Tucci. We were then planning to just have quiet drinks, which we did. Until we got to revolution. At which point we looked knowingly at each other and then dove head first down the rabbit hole. NY was spent in Perdu and then when Kerri left I headed to WHQ to meet up with Tor, dragging with me some poor scottish guy I made out with at midnight. Three days later I realised I'd lost my leather jacket and had to return to the scene of the crime to pick it up. There were two other people there to do the same.

and that, roughly was 2010. Add in some drunken nights and kissing of boys yet lack of anything of any meaning or consequence. Some general correspondence. A lot of shopping. And then a lot of saving of money because 2011 shows promise....

bad dream

2010-08-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

I was at my parents house and in the garden and there were a lot of people milling around and then they were all rounded up in quite an aggressive manner to the bottom of the garden. I slipped away and went into the house. I looked out of the window and the people were being made to strip and line up in pairs at gunpoint. I tried calling the police but just got garbled messages back on my mobile. I was running around trying to find the house phone and found some people hiding in the spare bedroom. I tried again to call the police again and couldn't hear what they were saying so I just kept repeating my call for help. I heard someone coming up the stairs so I put the phone in a drawer and we all tried to look casual. Someone came in with a girl in a shopping trolley looking really scared and they got a baby out of a purse and gave it to me saying I had to look after it cos the other newborn babies didn't like it and were attacking it!!! They left and I looked out of the window. It looked like people were being baptised in the pond next to the house and then they were all gonna be shot. There were some police around but they seemed to be involved in it. We found some comic cartoon strips that showed the plan to get people into the cult and then kill them.

Then the real police came and arrested my family and they were really sad and siappointed with me and then I was left in this big destroyed house with police tape and rubble everywhere and some of the children from the people in the cult (go knows where the baby has gone by this point). Then I realise I need the cartoon strips as evidence so I go and find this man stealing them from the phone box outside the house where I had put them, I reach into the car and get some of them back as he's driving off. I am allowed to live as the leader of the cult is in love with me. It is JP my illegal immigrant ex boyfriend.

I woke up scared. And a bit angry with my parents.

and so since then...

2010-08-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

well life has calmed down somewhat into a gentle 7day work week!! but that will soon be remedied into a 6day work week. I have little to do in my spare time though so the breathing comes a little easier.

the exhibition and course ending was a total anti-climax even for the non-event i expected it to be! but seeing old friends while in London was great.

I got a job as skipper on an Ark. On this Ark I am aiding the manufacture of jointed animals; so far elephants and hares, learning sage; and plenty of organising. Today I also started planning a photoshoot of said animals. So I started 4weeks ago just doing 1day a week on a voluntary basis and last week I was offered an extra day....AND PAY!!

At the restaurant after an almost meltdown we have hired some new staff and it is my new role there to train them which has meant a payrise and some more responsibility. So work wise I think I'm doing pretty well at the moment.

Once I regulate my hours I shall have a little more room to watch awful movies and tv! Maybe do some things where I can take some pictures!

tic-hec

2010-06-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

i'm waiting for life to calm down just a little. I am currently juggling...

my own work for the exhibition in London

organising others to get their work done for the London exhibition

finding a new flatmate

showing potential new flatmates around the house and attempting to entice

waitressing

looking for jobs, going to AN interview and waiting to hear from it

going to London for the exhibition.

soon there will be a little pause in between my activities. i am looking forward to a gentle breeze.

2010-06-12T02:58:00.001-07:00

it appears I am being enjoyed in Glasgow! or at least read a little.

arg.

2010-06-08T02:23:00.000-07:00

i am hungover/still drunk. i want food. i need to go food shopping. i do not want to leave my bed. my typing is bad. i want more sleeep.

summer is here!

2010-05-21T02:59:00.001-07:00

smells of warm pavement and growing grasses. birdies singing here n there, tho if i went to cumbria im sure the sound is much more pronounced!

sun warming down to the bones.

yum yum summer

an intermittent presence

2010-05-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

theres a guy who as an intermittent presence in my life. he has just reappeared from the depths of his own life. and he reminds me of all the awful things i was doing last time he was around. luckily that was 2 years ago and while i don't know if my behaviour has really improved it is more honest.

2010-04-28T06:52:00.001-07:00

I was on tv last night! on BBC1. I was in the audience of the debate for the north east n cumbria area.

post birthday blogging

2010-04-25T15:51:00.000-07:00

well it started on thursday with a wild night out with Kerri, ummm i remember the start and then taking a very hot boy home and making him hot blackcurrant!! anyway saturday brought the main event starting with a breakfast of massive happy birthday cookie delivered right to my bed by Kerri. got up n showered, talked to mum who is coming over on tuesday which im pretty excited about. shes gonna b on tv (again). did the washing up n put the rubbish out. popped to morrisons and came back just in time for gem, stu and tony arriving. we walked into town cos it was such lovely warm day and pottered around. walked back and me n gem put the lottery on (we did not win!)

and got back to the house to find another best friend of mine in her brand spanking new company car!! a little wine in the front yard and then got ready and taxied our way to the restaurant. the meal was delish, the company was outstanding.

it was the funnest time i've had, and remembered, in a LONG time. so awesome to be surrounded by some of my favourite people in the world. drinks at the cluny and then homeward bound.

after midnight i was berated for my lack of life choice making. but at least they waited til the date rolled over from my birthday!

today me n snic had a nice lie in and croissants for brekkie, with a little more cookie. and then a walk thru the parks of heaton.

the birthday bubble has burst since she left, ive done 2 lots of washing up and cleaned the cooker top! i nearly did the kitchen floor but i think i might leave that for 2mora! can't have all the fun in one evening!

i have been blessed with lots of lovely and thoughtful gifts. this has been one of the best birthdays i've had. i need to thank a lot of people for that. thank you.

2010-04-05T05:15:00.001-07:00

soozieP is rutted. in bed watching movies. creating an actual physical rut in this bed. its harder to climb the sides and get out. but i have clothes to mend and rubbish to put out so i guess i'll get there eventually. maybe the sides wouldn't seem so steep if my activities we're to be more exciting!

2010-03-03T04:55:00.001-08:00

after my degree i was so sick of school and feeling like i wasn't working hard enough and my work wasn't good enough and i was so sick of it i was never doing my best. and even before that feeling i was always a little half-arsed about the work anyway.

having 2years out made me really want to be back at school again and now after another 3years studying i'm back to the same old sick of it all feeling. today i've stayed in bed, its now 1pm and i should have been up this morning to shoot, dropped a film off for developing and be in the darkroom by now. instead i just stayed in bed. watched greek. tried to watch one tree hill. and now debating gossip girl. i can always tell when i'm not enjoying life cos i start to escape it with all these silly american teen programs.

sitting at home on a saturday night the day before valentines!!

2010-02-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

but i have a date for tomorrow! well, i have a few dates. more than a few. i have a date with a 9 or more table section in chiquitos! so possibly over 100people.

joy!

lazy?

2010-01-19T13:55:00.000-08:00

i feel like i've bee very lazy of late. examples....

1)today i came home from school and got in bed to watch the lastest episode of One Tree Hill, than watched some greek, then a shit movie, then had a nap, then more greek

2)yesterday i went nextdoor and watched 3hours of tv, transfixed and very little movement

3)many days i seem to do a lot of sitting in bed watching shit, or monitoring facebook, pretending to do schoolwork. i promised myself i would stop being so sedintary when i got up2 date with greek. only 3episodes to go!! so since xmas i have watched 2 1/2 seasons of greek!!! as well as all the other crap i habitually watch!

4)i ate a LOT of popcorn today and i didnt even like it very much.

these times of laze are interspersed with periods of high energy activities tho, i worked over the weekend, i hoovered today! not quite sure that i'm in a good balance quite yet.... laze is still a majority.

snow

2010-01-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

and so much of it! brilliant brilliant snow. and i went sledging and made a snowman, whose head has stayed on remarkably well despite the melty shrinkage and bad balancing.

awesome snowtimes!

if only

2009-12-04T02:29:00.000-08:00

i was give a kitten in my dream last night and i was so happy.

then i woke up.

2009-11-06T06:18:00.000-08:00

so to get over my obsession i did the thing i was obsessing over. it only made me obsess more. so last night i just went and pulled someone else, and that was probably even worse.

dead good days

2009-10-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

i didn't realise just how awesome the last 2days have been til now. totally brilliant!

went home n hung out with tony, said hello to parents, had a lovely homemade dinner with gem, stu, faye n rose; a drink in the pub with the boys, wine at home with gem.

sleep.

shopping in carlisle, lunch in the car avec cream scones, nap on the train, profitable work, early release with life to cluny, sneaking in to see 80's matchbox, hanging out with amy, dave n yummy phil, being protected from moshers by yummy (and fairly sweaty) phil, heading home n bumping into dee, made it home to find 3 dvd's from love film

un petit spliff, pj's, pretty in pink, in-bed-cosyness.

la vie est bon!

2009-10-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

today i walked around newcastle for 1 1/2 hours solid. from heaton to jesmond, to town. my clicky hip was sore at the end of it! and when i went to get the bus home i realised i didn't have my bus pass. i was so paniced! (LAME) but it is 220squids worth of travel. and only jut got it. so i paid for a bus ticket and fretted more n more the closer i got to home. by the time i was at the front door i really didn't want to go in, just in case it wasn't there and i really had lost it.

it was sitting on the couch.

i felt ridiculous.

just another day in the life of a stupid girl!

now. ben n jerry and the City.

2009-10-16T16:19:00.000-07:00

i alost bogged the other day. and then i deleted it. i can't remember what.... oh yeah now i do. photoshop. je n'aime pas photoshop. and it's all i've done for the last days. photoshop and nerves. booooo

bak 2skool

2009-09-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

yeah i'm back and if feels like i've never been away. and in this time....no-one has grown up any, no group dynamics have changed, i still don't fit in (thank god). funniest moment so far..... watching tom pitch his idea for the mask project as a white person wearing an obama mask and not realising the full implications of this .......................followed by a class debate about politics none of them actually understand. i sit back and listen to the ignorance. hahaha. sigh.

and now i need to go and work out what i'm gonna do for mine.

i won an award for photography

2009-09-15T12:20:00.001-07:00

i am proud owner of a 'world skills uk' bronze medal for photography!!!!!

2009-09-13T16:17:00.001-07:00

got my new macbook. got great battery life. going to alton towers 2mora.

yay.yay.yay.

impulse

2009-09-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

it just goes to show i should never mention to lex any of my whims.

i just bought a macbook. and its all his fault. hahaha

so how have i managed to resist getting a cat for all this time and yet suddenly i mention my computers gone a bit weird and i want a macbook and hey presto there's sooz pressing the 'buy' button. and so i have bought a macbook. pretty. no-one must tell my parents cod i think they think i'm fairly good with money.

oh i'm really bad. bad girl. so now i'm gonna take shit-puter over to nextdoor and hope they can medicine him better.

oooh and within the new computer plan is also the selling of my old ibook for parts on ebay and then the dell for newness. and there was already £12.95 in my paypal account so there's a little bit more money to take off the price. ooooh bad. bad girl.

Faux Mexican Restaurant.

2009-09-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

i went to bruges

2009-08-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago, did i tell u that??

it was fairly good like.

i just want to work

2009-08-14T04:01:00.000-07:00

i do. i want to work and work and work and come home and be exhausted and be inspired in my exhaustion to make pictures. this lethargy is halting. and ok so my shift being cancelled yesterday meant i could spend a glorious day at the seaside with my love GJ (and get a little sunburnt) but next week the same cancelling will happen and no GJ. i'm sorry but i may even have to raindance just to make the restaurant busy. raindance for my own personal gain.

2009-08-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

my hair feels really soft today.

list.

2009-08-08T17:01:00.000-07:00

i have put 'to blog' on my mental list of things to do tomorrow; a hallowed sunday-off-work, there are 3.

there are 6 things i need to nag the landlord about.

mum's back

2009-07-21T03:11:00.000-07:00

my mum got back from a week in finland yester.

yeah so she's just been building stoneage dwellings there, just thatching the odd roof, chillin, you know, the usual!!

haha soopercool lady. she is. she is.

could u be more anal??

2009-07-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

you know that person who said 'if you want something done properly do it yourself'???? yeah well fucking clean the house yourself if you don't think i'm capable of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

jesus! as if the list of assigned jobs (one n a half of which i had already done)and text message to make me aware of said list wasn't enough. i am now being questionned about the length of time it took to do the jobs and therefore whether they have been done properly and fairly.
well thank god i don't have to put up with you this year. go perster someone else u anal bitch!!!

hahahahaha the joys of moving out.

2009-07-12T16:32:00.000-07:00

moved again! 4th time in 2years. so far the problems are... slugs, fridge/freezer, kitchen cupboards and the thing the holds the shower head up. oh and the cleaning of my previous flat that never seems to end.

you made it. i bought it.

2009-06-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

I bought a most beautiful necklace. It was delivered today. When you see it and get mad green jealous i might just tell you the talented girls website.

this is where the title goes

2009-06-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

i have been wanting to post for a few weeks now and either not got round to it or had typers block when i did and so settled for reading other peoples entries until i really had to do something else.

i went to london this weekend. it was good. fairly chilled after my spectcular
too-drunk-to-wake-up-and-catch-a-bus moment that significantly increased the value of my travel!!
it did make me disappointed in people. let down. an old and extremely dear friend who lives in london failed to meet up with me while i was there. there was plently of warning given for my approach and opportunity for them to make even the slightst of effort. but they did not. i think it is partly my penchant for trashy american teen tv and movies that makes my already over active imagination expect too much from people and situations.

my family is around at the mo, mum n dad brought gran over as a birthday treat for her. i love that i can still swear in my everyday sentences and i only have to speed it up a little for gran to miss the swearing part!!

enough.

2009-06-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

well i had a nap and now i shall 'fire ze missiles' ie. do the wsahing up, put my game face on and go to work

the body apocolypse

2009-06-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

i have the plage. i'm too tired to type. i had an anxiety attack last night.

my time

2009-05-12T02:48:00.000-07:00

i've handed in my last school project and am just waiting for my book to arrive so i can take it into school and i'm pretty much finished.

i have 2weeks now with not a whole lot on and am investing in me-time which seems to mean me-in-bed-or-just-generally-lounging-around-time. i do want to go into school and use the darkroom and scanners etc and i have a few personal projects to be getting on with. but lots of bed and lounging for now! especially as i'm waiting for this book parcel!!!!!!

2009-04-29T02:54:00.000-07:00

just to revisit the last post slightly, i think that night i didn't eat anything, fell a little asleep, woke up and just crawled myself into bed fully clothed with massive amounts of messy crap on my bed and slept thru til morning!

in new things. how weird is it when you've spent a week hanging out with someone under unusual circumstances and then you kind of never expect to see them again. time passes and then they suddenly just pop back up in your life. too weird. and you're alone so u might just think well maybe? and then u realise that that week last summer you were actually technically dating someone, but not really. more weird. stirred emotions.

and hunger. not metaphorical. i am actually hungry. for food.

OW

2009-04-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

i had a tooth taken out yesterday. i must eat soon before the ibuprofen wears off and it will hurt again. tempted by pizza. can't have a JP cos i gots no cheeeeeeeese. i fance roasting a pepper but i gots no cheeeeeese. other than that i have smiles, noodles, cookie dough ice cream, pasta but no sauce and no cheeeeese. when my eating revolves so much around cheese you'd think i'd keep some in the house! i could go and see if MO has some accross the road.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i can see this going the way of me not doing anything about my vague hunger until its late and time to go to bed. i am such a lazy girl.

another lovely weekend

2009-03-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

well it started with work but went steadily uphill!! a nice relaxing evening with honest conversation, wine and chinese takeaway followed by an exhilirating walk (more so for some as a total ass fall into mud will do for you!)a delicious lunch and swit ramble back to the car. then a comedy filled evening thanks to Robin Ince and i ran into one of my best friends from school's mother who i've not seen in an age and she was radiant, in her element. i hope her daughter is the same. quick drink and some music trivia on the way home before bed n snuggles with m'lady smartypants.
this morning i had a lie in before taking some pictures for a competion, got the train, got another train, got another train n hun out with si in durhman, harrassed him into handing his job application form in and bought us dinner. train. bus. home.
round to the girls for some quality tv delights.

now i'm back in my flat with the noisily obnoxious next door on the phone to some poor drama queen. at least i'll be up n out the door 2mora before she rouses and plays radio1 full blast. at least if she played cd's it would be her choice of music. as it is she's only listening to what they decide.
oh god what is that noise??? it sounds like someone sawing wood.... oh and there's the constant dropping of heavy duty scissors.

2009-02-23T06:44:00.001-08:00

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m stalling, wasting time until I can think of something else to occupy myself. I’m worried mum n dad are gonna want me to do something professional afterwards and I won’t be able to. And then they’ll be disappointed. All I wanna do is be happy and have fun. Its just not so much fun not knowing. So if only I have control of my future and I don’t even really control my present. I just float along. I don’t feel like I make any conscious decisions. If you ask me to do something I’ll most likely do it. Cos I don’t have any direction of my own. What am I waiting for?

what i did today

2009-01-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

i walked down to the quayside and went to the baltic to see what i could see. really grat exhibits on and i had to miss out 2nd floor cos i was running out of time!! so fairly interactive yoko ono exhibit which included wishing trees. the wishes made me feel like crying and i think if i wasn't in a public place i would have wept for the amount of wanting there was.

i added my wish. well i added 3 wishes on one piece and as i was doing it wished my handwriting was more outstnding!! foolish girl.

i also wrote a piece about my mother for the mum wall and took a piece of the sky jigsaw as requested by yoko.

i also then went to coco mo's to book the staff xmas party but it was closed to we're having it at prima pasta instead. well unless anyone has strong objections! and finally went to john lewis to buy the 'awards' for the staff do and popped into zavvi and almost bought some books. bought some naughty sweet snacks from morrissons on the way home. why is it when i'm trying not to eat so much so i can look fabulous in my dress at the xmas party all i can think about and crave is food!!!! and we all know i have no willpower. especially against food. oh dear! well so long as it doesn't all go on my boobs it should be fine!

2009-01-19T14:53:00.000-08:00

the way we are is so weird. i feel like we talk about things and sometimes we really don't. and sometimes we talk in the shortest sentences and there is no more to say about things but it was all included with heavy emotion. we were living in the same room and we didn't know each other at all and i really don't know how you felt about me then. to me you were a bit of a wonder. a bit of a worry. i felt like i was a bit of an irritation and a bit of a disappointment.

i love to hear your lyrics. they make me sad. you all make me sad. i was impressed by your hope. i was depressed by you naivety. there was so much energy. you all made the air fizzle. i wonder who you are impressing these days?

2009-01-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

i've been reading a lot of blogs. i love the way people write. i love delicious descriptions. potter you have a magical eye linked to your twinkling fingertips.

but i am sad that i don't appear in any of them. not that you appear in mine. it just makes me wonder if i have any effect on anyone. its probably quite hard to seeing as i've spent so much time in this goddamned room on this machine of rythmic silence.

arg.

also i cut my fringe and am now devising ways to hide it. ridiculous.

im ready for a real whinge...

2009-01-18T04:16:00.000-08:00

but that will have to go in my real diary. see how i'm learning my lesson here? how proud i am.

so there i was...

2009-01-17T03:13:00.000-08:00

i got on the bus, sat down and picked a paper up off the floor to read. i put in on the seat next to me because i didnt have a spare hand to hold it. my head was bowed reading the paper on the seat beside me. suddenly it moved. i looked up and a man had taken it, i assumed he wanted to sit down so i smiled slightly, with an underlying irritation. he didn't sit down. he was just stealing the newspaper i was reading. he took it and sat down elsewhere.

gobsmacked.

and the coming year

2009-01-06T05:46:00.000-08:00

well i guess work will be very quiet but maybe this will help me concentrate on school more. maybe i'll even have spare time??

resolutions then....

work hard at college, less wasting time more concentrating

no more one night stands, if i'm stupid enough to take a boy home my punishment is that i have to be nice to them and agree to at least one date in the future.

be bolder at school, participate more

be nicer. at least 50% kinder than i am now. that shouldn't be too hard.

last year these things happened

2009-01-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

its only the 6th but it still feels a little too late to be doing this. nevermind.

had a rather wild new year with andrew n jenna

i got together with JP, falling for persistence, good gifting boyfriend but went on so long in the end and it was too hard to get myself out of the mess i made. a good leanring experience.

amazing trip to America, time with Matt in California and my first wedding. (i have finally got the pictures printed and will be putting them in an album at some point)

subjected to the whims of landlord Janet and so moved to Cardigan terrace. lovely lovely times.

got a distinction in the Art foundation and Simon graduated from Durham.

moved accross the road to Heaton rd.

went to Edinburgh with Michael to open the new Chiqiotos restaurant there, great fun, great drama, terrible management!

started a new course, another degree. doing quite well thanku very much!

immigration raided the restaurant and Ju n JP disappeared

long but not so busy run up to xmas at work with varying amounts and skill levels of chefs

one night stand

TRACY CHAPMAN pure amazing transcendtal evening of pleasure for the ears and heart

one night stand

ill at xmas

very enjoyable new year. kissed a boy who lives on the isle of man. silly girl. fun.

the other world

2008-12-06T16:52:00.000-08:00

im just about to go to bed and thinking about what i have to do tomorrow seemed so foreign to me. like going to work, somethin so normal to me usually, seemed almost inconceivable! today has been a most wonderful day in Soozland. shopping with 3of my closest friends who i don't get to c too often, i was so excited, so happy. they all make me feel so loved. i am emotionally exhausted from so much elation. yay for you and me and us. together. thank you.

sometimes the most riduculous things happen

2008-12-04T16:15:00.000-08:00

and this one ended in a £15 taxi ride and a fashion shoot. i was slightly disappointed with myself, model was great and did all i asked. i should have asked more. i had one main idea for one of the shots and i forgot about it! rubbish! did get some good shots tho. yay!

Emma

2008-11-20T05:57:00.000-08:00

On your 18th birthday we were going out in Cockermouth, we were friends but I wasn't one of your group like the rest of you were. Outer circle i'd say. But we all met at your house before hand and you needed a little break from the others so we went upstairs to straighten my hair! i was amazed at the straightness and i asked for some exactly the same for my 18th. a month after yours to the day.

For some reason i decided i really didn't want to go on a sociology trip to some Christian retreat kinda place, I don't remember why but I even spoke to ole Thall' about it. Anyway i was forced to go an was in a foul mood because of it. Until we met Scott and George of course! Oh those accents! I'm sure at some point we swapped as well. I wonder if I ever told you i went to America and surrounded myself with accents as part of my degree. I wonder when the last time we spoke was.

Remembering you with great fondness, these memories are mine and I promise to enjoy them for us both.

Sue-Ellen

i did a good thing. and it was partly selfish.

2008-11-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

you know when you have those good ideas that are a little too much work and so you don't do them and feel totally disappointed in yourself for the rest of the day? i actually did it and it still feels so much better.

it was my friend at home's birthday and i'd already said i couldn't go. i had invited her over here, it would have masde a nice change and we could have had a lovely time pottering around doing the better tings in life art, eating and meandering. i was quite diappointed and slightly frustrated with life whan she arranged an outing at home, especially as i was doing my zipslide that morning so i assumed i was pretty much tied to newcastle.

the zipslide didn't have the affect on me i thought it would. it was a lot of waiting around and then a burst of heavy excitement and then it was over. we had a LOVERLY lunch at the cafe next to my house and then i was like now what?!?!

i came back up to my room. i checked train times and the facebook event to see what their plans were and then i rang another friend and we sorted out the surprise. i was so sure my friend would figure out i was coming, and the surprise was delicious. it had been running through my mind, when and how we would meet and whether she would really be surprised. and oh she was. i was waiting at the bus stop when their bus pulled in and i was behind her, SURPRISE! heeheeeee i feel she was delighted! we had a lovely meal, and we didnt quite stand still to watch the fireworks but we saw them through the trees as we marched towards them. we were together and it felt so much better than last year when all the fireworks i saw were from the back entrance at work. standing in a service yard alone feels very lonely in front of a spectacular.

what has made it even better is that and even different friend of mine, on hearing what had transpired has told me he is proud of me and what a lovely thing it was i did.
it felt like a kiss on the forehead, which is sometimes a most perfect thing.

and you don't know this, but she did much the same thing for me a few years ago. i like to think we are there to save each other when needed. and probably when not so needed.

i should

2008-10-26T03:10:00.000-07:00

be taking my camera everywhere with me! i'm so annoyed at myself for not doing so. i got to the gig last night and the singer would have been so good to photograph and it wasn't too packed so i could have got to the front. i am such a pest.

it is rather a large camera tho. and if ver i take my compact i get so hateful of it as compacts are a pile of rubbish. ru u u u bish.

grr

this is ont time when me and mikey moo were naughty in edinburgh. we were very naughty in edinburgh.

someone stole from me

2008-10-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

at work i keep a float of £10, it stays in my locker when i'm not at work and silly silly Sooz left her locker key in the locker. I left work at 8.30 on sunday eve and returned at 5on monday. The float was gone. This is the second time this has happened. I'm so disappointed.

2008-10-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

I think i'm being mean to someone for not a good enough reason. Well no, i'm not being mean; i'm indifferent, polite and verging on friendly but it makes me seem mean because they are so desperate to be liked. Another thing i find a total turn off! And if they stopped making such a big deal over it we could both just happily ignore each other unless contact is necessary.

sooz and the army and the rock and rollers

2008-10-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

I ache! I hurt in every muscle in my body! so yesterday i went to an army barracks with school, not it seemed like it was gonna be a day of adventures with a little army spiel thorwn in that i would be able to quite easily ignore. turns out they'd run out of paintballs so instead they drilled us on the marching stuff, in the cold and rain and wind! andy they got fairly annoyed when we really didn't care all that much about it! erm hello you have a bunch on photography students, we're here for fun, noone would dream of dreaming of joining the army, what the fuck do you expect!!!!! bears of very very very little brains. oh and sexist, homophobic idiots! quelle surprise. it's so refreshing when people really do conform to the stereotype.
the afternoon was more fun with team building activities in the woods. tho i really do ache.

i got home and had a little down time then made dinner and went to meet schmem for the gig. Foals are a band that she knows from home so we were on the guestlist and hung out with them afterwards, getting free drinks. I was babysat by one of them while she went for a cigarette and i told him about the army. i'm sure he was rivitted. and then we went and hung out at the tour bus!!! so cool! well actually just dead cold. i had to call a taxi and bail. not too hardcore this week!

and that was yesterday. and today i ache.

boy drama

2008-10-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

there is none!! the boy is gone. the start of this week was overflowing with drama drama drama. and now there is none. now there is time to breathe and fresh air to inhale.
im gonna have a lovely friday night in, immersing myself in the pretend drama of rubbish films, sipping slowly on a glass of rather nice white wine and snuggled nice n warm amongst my bedding. delicious, lazy, boring friday night. yay!

where does all the tax go?

2008-10-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

if you are working in the uk illegally and still paying roughly £400 a month in tax where does this tax go? they obviosly don't mind the working until some unkind individual (?) tips them off anf they HAVE to do something about it.

wankers!

so thats an indication of how my week started. now i'm just exhausted. and i really hope my pictures come out well from this weeks shoots.

gazza probably isn't dead then

2008-09-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

so we were just sitting round watching 'lost in austen' last night, well stacy was asleep. but anyway it was her phone that rang. it was her not-boyfriend and a friend of his fathers blah blah blah crime scene blah blah Paul Gasgoine is dead. shock shock shock.

we looked on the news. and we looked again this morning and no mention of it. and i'm thinking we can't be THAT far ahead of the game. i mentioned it to a girl at school today and she said her boyfriend had heard the same thing!

still not convinced. but not i'm so intrigued as to how and why the rumour start?? and hows good was it that it spread that fast??

started school again again again again

2008-09-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

i started college on monday. its been good. there are some people from my course last year, two nice and two not! the two not are completely ignoring the rest of us, not even a passing smile! so our first project is called good, bad and ugly. i have to take 3 pictures to reperesent tthat, one for each word. and i have to do it in the haymarket bus station! hmmmmmmmmm

epic journey - for Tamas

2008-09-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

So i think i can safely blame this all on my brother, Simon cos he is king of the epic adventure-journey.
It's after solfest (3day music/hippy festival in Cumbria), we have slept a night in proper beds, showered, eaten real food and pretty much feeling human again so we decided to travel back to our respective homes together. Dad took us to the station and we set off in good time for the train from Aspatria to Carlisle where we would board another train to Newcastle and part ways there. Our train from Aspatria was a little late but nothing to remarkable. We got settled on the train, bought our tickets and chatted a little. Halfway to the next staion I burst out a load of paniced expletives. I shocked the near-by passengers. I had left my mobile at home. We quickly ran through a list of possible ways to reunite me with my phone but nothing really seemed worth the hassle. As we were considering me getting off at the next station and returning for my phone simon realised he had left his house keys for Durham at home too. There would be no-one in the flat and his girlfriend was moving house that day and not really to be disturbed.

We both disembarked the train, walked past the bemused guard and traipsed to the bus stop. There was not a bus for 40 mins so we went to the pub for a quick drink. On the bus home I rolled a joint which we smoked on the walk from the bus stop to my parents house. On arrival I was so stoned I could barely function and could not even consider walking back to the bus stop. After an amazing cuddle with Mimi SmartyPants, a drink and some crumpets I felt much better though. Luckily dad arrived home at this point and drove us back to the bus stop. We got the bus to Carlisle.

On arrival in Carlisle we could have got off a stop early and walked through town but as we had bags and the like with us we decided to stay on the bus til the main stop, closer to the train station. Bad idea. We got stuck in this huge traffic jam and by the time we made it to the train station we had just missed a train. So off to the pub for another drink! I finally made it home at something ricidulous like 8pm after setting off at 1pm. For Simon it was probably more like 9pm.

The End

i was a naughty girl

2008-09-20T03:29:00.000-07:00

and i'm still recovering from the shock of it! you know when it just sneaks up on you in a dull moment and you have an 'oh my god what did i do' moment? they have been visiting me all week.
many people have found it highly amusing and that makes me feel better about it and the hardest question to answer is why don't you just enjoy the memory and put it down to experience? well once i get over the shock i will thank you. or was it good?/was it bad? i don't think it was particularly either. it was just a thing that happened. it has shades of both. the haunting is bad but then sometimes i am able to just smile at my wild stupidity. haha silly girl.

retarded girl needs new identity to hide from blog

2008-09-10T04:37:00.000-07:00

jesus god i am so retarded!!! blogging is so dangerous. i vow to only blog very carefully from now on.

the sun is shining today but it is sstill quite cold. i wore a skirt to go to the dentist but it pissed me off so much i changed back to lovely lovely jeans asap. the end.