my time

i've handed in my last school project and am just waiting for my book to arrive so i can take it into school and i'm pretty much finished.

i have 2weeks now with not a whole lot on and am investing in me-time which seems to mean me-in-bed-or-just-generally-lounging-around-time. i do want to go into school and use the darkroom and scanners etc and i have a few personal projects to be getting on with. but lots of bed and lounging for now! especially as i'm waiting for this book parcel!!!!!!

just to revisit the last post slightly, i think that night i didn't eat anything, fell a little asleep, woke up and just crawled myself into bed fully clothed with massive amounts of messy crap on my bed and slept thru til morning!

in new things. how weird is it when you've spent a week hanging out with someone under unusual circumstances and then you kind of never expect to see them again. time passes and then they suddenly just pop back up in your life. too weird. and you're alone so u might just think well maybe? and then u realise that that week last summer you were actually technically dating someone, but not really. more weird. stirred emotions.

and hunger. not metaphorical. i am actually hungry. for food.

OW

i had a tooth taken out yesterday. i must eat soon before the ibuprofen wears off and it will hurt again. tempted by pizza. can't have a JP cos i gots no cheeeeeeeese. i fance roasting a pepper but i gots no cheeeeeese. other than that i have smiles, noodles, cookie dough ice cream, pasta but no sauce and no cheeeeese. when my eating revolves so much around cheese you'd think i'd keep some in the house! i could go and see if MO has some accross the road.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


i can see this going the way of me not doing anything about my vague hunger until its late and time to go to bed. i am such a lazy girl.

another lovely weekend

well it started with work but went steadily uphill!! a nice relaxing evening with honest conversation, wine and chinese takeaway followed by an exhilirating walk (more so for some as a total ass fall into mud will do for you!)a delicious lunch and swit ramble back to the car. then a comedy filled evening thanks to Robin Ince and i ran into one of my best friends from school's mother who i've not seen in an age and she was radiant, in her element. i hope her daughter is the same. quick drink and some music trivia on the way home before bed n snuggles with m'lady smartypants.
this morning i had a lie in before taking some pictures for a competion, got the train, got another train, got another train n hun out with si in durhman, harrassed him into handing his job application form in and bought us dinner. train. bus. home.
round to the girls for some quality tv delights.

now i'm back in my flat with the noisily obnoxious next door on the phone to some poor drama queen. at least i'll be up n out the door 2mora before she rouses and plays radio1 full blast. at least if she played cd's it would be her choice of music. as it is she's only listening to what they decide.
oh god what is that noise??? it sounds like someone sawing wood.... oh and there's the constant dropping of heavy duty scissors.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m stalling, wasting time until I can think of something else to occupy myself. I’m worried mum n dad are gonna want me to do something professional afterwards and I won’t be able to. And then they’ll be disappointed. All I wanna do is be happy and have fun. Its just not so much fun not knowing. So if only I have control of my future and I don’t even really control my present. I just float along. I don’t feel like I make any conscious decisions. If you ask me to do something I’ll most likely do it. Cos I don’t have any direction of my own. What am I waiting for?

what i did today

i walked down to the quayside and went to the baltic to see what i could see. really grat exhibits on and i had to miss out 2nd floor cos i was running out of time!! so fairly interactive yoko ono exhibit which included wishing trees. the wishes made me feel like crying and i think if i wasn't in a public place i would have wept for the amount of wanting there was.

i added my wish. well i added 3 wishes on one piece and as i was doing it wished my handwriting was more outstnding!! foolish girl.

i also wrote a piece about my mother for the mum wall and took a piece of the sky jigsaw as requested by yoko.

i also then went to coco mo's to book the staff xmas party but it was closed to we're having it at prima pasta instead. well unless anyone has strong objections! and finally went to john lewis to buy the 'awards' for the staff do and popped into zavvi and almost bought some books. bought some naughty sweet snacks from morrissons on the way home. why is it when i'm trying not to eat so much so i can look fabulous in my dress at the xmas party all i can think about and crave is food!!!! and we all know i have no willpower. especially against food. oh dear! well so long as it doesn't all go on my boobs it should be fine!

the way we are is so weird. i feel like we talk about things and sometimes we really don't. and sometimes we talk in the shortest sentences and there is no more to say about things but it was all included with heavy emotion. we were living in the same room and we didn't know each other at all and i really don't know how you felt about me then. to me you were a bit of a wonder. a bit of a worry. i felt like i was a bit of an irritation and a bit of a disappointment.

i love to hear your lyrics. they make me sad. you all make me sad. i was impressed by your hope. i was depressed by you naivety. there was so much energy. you all made the air fizzle. i wonder who you are impressing these days?