if only

i was give a kitten in my dream last night and i was so happy.

then i woke up.

so to get over my obsession i did the thing i was obsessing over. it only made me obsess more. so last night i just went and pulled someone else, and that was probably even worse.

dead good days

i didn't realise just how awesome the last 2days have been til now. totally brilliant!

went home n hung out with tony, said hello to parents, had a lovely homemade dinner with gem, stu, faye n rose; a drink in the pub with the boys, wine at home with gem.

sleep.

shopping in carlisle, lunch in the car avec cream scones, nap on the train, profitable work, early release with life to cluny, sneaking in to see 80's matchbox, hanging out with amy, dave n yummy phil, being protected from moshers by yummy (and fairly sweaty) phil, heading home n bumping into dee, made it home to find 3 dvd's from love film

un petit spliff, pj's, pretty in pink, in-bed-cosyness.

la vie est bon!

today i walked around newcastle for 1 1/2 hours solid. from heaton to jesmond, to town. my clicky hip was sore at the end of it! and when i went to get the bus home i realised i didn't have my bus pass. i was so paniced! (LAME) but it is 220squids worth of travel. and only jut got it. so i paid for a bus ticket and fretted more n more the closer i got to home. by the time i was at the front door i really didn't want to go in, just in case it wasn't there and i really had lost it.

it was sitting on the couch.

i felt ridiculous.

just another day in the life of a stupid girl!

now. ben n jerry and the City.

i alost bogged the other day. and then i deleted it. i can't remember what.... oh yeah now i do. photoshop. je n'aime pas photoshop. and it's all i've done for the last days. photoshop and nerves. booooo

bak 2skool

yeah i'm back and if feels like i've never been away. and in this time....no-one has grown up any, no group dynamics have changed, i still don't fit in (thank god). funniest moment so far..... watching tom pitch his idea for the mask project as a white person wearing an obama mask and not realising the full implications of this .......................followed by a class debate about politics none of them actually understand. i sit back and listen to the ignorance. hahaha. sigh.

and now i need to go and work out what i'm gonna do for mine.

i won an award for photography

i am proud owner of a 'world skills uk' bronze medal for photography!!!!!

got my new macbook. got great battery life. going to alton towers 2mora.

yay.yay.yay.

impulse

it just goes to show i should never mention to lex any of my whims.






i just bought a macbook. and its all his fault. hahaha

so how have i managed to resist getting a cat for all this time and yet suddenly i mention my computers gone a bit weird and i want a macbook and hey presto there's sooz pressing the 'buy' button. and so i have bought a macbook. pretty. no-one must tell my parents cod i think they think i'm fairly good with money.

oh i'm really bad. bad girl. so now i'm gonna take shit-puter over to nextdoor and hope they can medicine him better.

oooh and within the new computer plan is also the selling of my old ibook for parts on ebay and then the dell for newness. and there was already £12.95 in my paypal account so there's a little bit more money to take off the price. ooooh bad. bad girl.

Faux Mexican Restaurant.

i went to bruges

a few weeks ago, did i tell u that??

it was fairly good like.

i just want to work

i do. i want to work and work and work and come home and be exhausted and be inspired in my exhaustion to make pictures. this lethargy is halting. and ok so my shift being cancelled yesterday meant i could spend a glorious day at the seaside with my love GJ (and get a little sunburnt) but next week the same cancelling will happen and no GJ. i'm sorry but i may even have to raindance just to make the restaurant busy. raindance for my own personal gain.

my hair feels really soft today.

list.

i have put 'to blog' on my mental list of things to do tomorrow; a hallowed sunday-off-work, there are 3.

there are 6 things i need to nag the landlord about.

mum's back

my mum got back from a week in finland yester.

yeah so she's just been building stoneage dwellings there, just thatching the odd roof, chillin, you know, the usual!!

haha soopercool lady. she is. she is.

could u be more anal??

you know that person who said 'if you want something done properly do it yourself'???? yeah well fucking clean the house yourself if you don't think i'm capable of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

jesus! as if the list of assigned jobs (one n a half of which i had already done)and text message to make me aware of said list wasn't enough. i am now being questionned about the length of time it took to do the jobs and therefore whether they have been done properly and fairly.
well thank god i don't have to put up with you this year. go perster someone else u anal bitch!!!

hahahahaha the joys of moving out.

moved again! 4th time in 2years. so far the problems are... slugs, fridge/freezer, kitchen cupboards and the thing the holds the shower head up. oh and the cleaning of my previous flat that never seems to end.

you made it. i bought it.

I bought a most beautiful necklace. It was delivered today. When you see it and get mad green jealous i might just tell you the talented girls website.

this is where the title goes

i have been wanting to post for a few weeks now and either not got round to it or had typers block when i did and so settled for reading other peoples entries until i really had to do something else.

i went to london this weekend. it was good. fairly chilled after my spectcular
too-drunk-to-wake-up-and-catch-a-bus moment that significantly increased the value of my travel!!
it did make me disappointed in people. let down. an old and extremely dear friend who lives in london failed to meet up with me while i was there. there was plently of warning given for my approach and opportunity for them to make even the slightst of effort. but they did not. i think it is partly my penchant for trashy american teen tv and movies that makes my already over active imagination expect too much from people and situations.

my family is around at the mo, mum n dad brought gran over as a birthday treat for her. i love that i can still swear in my everyday sentences and i only have to speed it up a little for gran to miss the swearing part!!

enough.

well i had a nap and now i shall 'fire ze missiles' ie. do the wsahing up, put my game face on and go to work

the body apocolypse

i have the plage. i'm too tired to type. i had an anxiety attack last night.

my time

i've handed in my last school project and am just waiting for my book to arrive so i can take it into school and i'm pretty much finished.

i have 2weeks now with not a whole lot on and am investing in me-time which seems to mean me-in-bed-or-just-generally-lounging-around-time. i do want to go into school and use the darkroom and scanners etc and i have a few personal projects to be getting on with. but lots of bed and lounging for now! especially as i'm waiting for this book parcel!!!!!!

just to revisit the last post slightly, i think that night i didn't eat anything, fell a little asleep, woke up and just crawled myself into bed fully clothed with massive amounts of messy crap on my bed and slept thru til morning!

in new things. how weird is it when you've spent a week hanging out with someone under unusual circumstances and then you kind of never expect to see them again. time passes and then they suddenly just pop back up in your life. too weird. and you're alone so u might just think well maybe? and then u realise that that week last summer you were actually technically dating someone, but not really. more weird. stirred emotions.

and hunger. not metaphorical. i am actually hungry. for food.

OW

i had a tooth taken out yesterday. i must eat soon before the ibuprofen wears off and it will hurt again. tempted by pizza. can't have a JP cos i gots no cheeeeeeeese. i fance roasting a pepper but i gots no cheeeeeese. other than that i have smiles, noodles, cookie dough ice cream, pasta but no sauce and no cheeeeese. when my eating revolves so much around cheese you'd think i'd keep some in the house! i could go and see if MO has some accross the road.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


i can see this going the way of me not doing anything about my vague hunger until its late and time to go to bed. i am such a lazy girl.

another lovely weekend

well it started with work but went steadily uphill!! a nice relaxing evening with honest conversation, wine and chinese takeaway followed by an exhilirating walk (more so for some as a total ass fall into mud will do for you!)a delicious lunch and swit ramble back to the car. then a comedy filled evening thanks to Robin Ince and i ran into one of my best friends from school's mother who i've not seen in an age and she was radiant, in her element. i hope her daughter is the same. quick drink and some music trivia on the way home before bed n snuggles with m'lady smartypants.
this morning i had a lie in before taking some pictures for a competion, got the train, got another train, got another train n hun out with si in durhman, harrassed him into handing his job application form in and bought us dinner. train. bus. home.
round to the girls for some quality tv delights.

now i'm back in my flat with the noisily obnoxious next door on the phone to some poor drama queen. at least i'll be up n out the door 2mora before she rouses and plays radio1 full blast. at least if she played cd's it would be her choice of music. as it is she's only listening to what they decide.
oh god what is that noise??? it sounds like someone sawing wood.... oh and there's the constant dropping of heavy duty scissors.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m stalling, wasting time until I can think of something else to occupy myself. I’m worried mum n dad are gonna want me to do something professional afterwards and I won’t be able to. And then they’ll be disappointed. All I wanna do is be happy and have fun. Its just not so much fun not knowing. So if only I have control of my future and I don’t even really control my present. I just float along. I don’t feel like I make any conscious decisions. If you ask me to do something I’ll most likely do it. Cos I don’t have any direction of my own. What am I waiting for?

what i did today

i walked down to the quayside and went to the baltic to see what i could see. really grat exhibits on and i had to miss out 2nd floor cos i was running out of time!! so fairly interactive yoko ono exhibit which included wishing trees. the wishes made me feel like crying and i think if i wasn't in a public place i would have wept for the amount of wanting there was.

i added my wish. well i added 3 wishes on one piece and as i was doing it wished my handwriting was more outstnding!! foolish girl.

i also wrote a piece about my mother for the mum wall and took a piece of the sky jigsaw as requested by yoko.

i also then went to coco mo's to book the staff xmas party but it was closed to we're having it at prima pasta instead. well unless anyone has strong objections! and finally went to john lewis to buy the 'awards' for the staff do and popped into zavvi and almost bought some books. bought some naughty sweet snacks from morrissons on the way home. why is it when i'm trying not to eat so much so i can look fabulous in my dress at the xmas party all i can think about and crave is food!!!! and we all know i have no willpower. especially against food. oh dear! well so long as it doesn't all go on my boobs it should be fine!

the way we are is so weird. i feel like we talk about things and sometimes we really don't. and sometimes we talk in the shortest sentences and there is no more to say about things but it was all included with heavy emotion. we were living in the same room and we didn't know each other at all and i really don't know how you felt about me then. to me you were a bit of a wonder. a bit of a worry. i felt like i was a bit of an irritation and a bit of a disappointment.

i love to hear your lyrics. they make me sad. you all make me sad. i was impressed by your hope. i was depressed by you naivety. there was so much energy. you all made the air fizzle. i wonder who you are impressing these days?

i've been reading a lot of blogs. i love the way people write. i love delicious descriptions. potter you have a magical eye linked to your twinkling fingertips.

but i am sad that i don't appear in any of them. not that you appear in mine. it just makes me wonder if i have any effect on anyone. its probably quite hard to seeing as i've spent so much time in this goddamned room on this machine of rythmic silence.

arg.

also i cut my fringe and am now devising ways to hide it. ridiculous.

im ready for a real whinge...

but that will have to go in my real diary. see how i'm learning my lesson here? how proud i am.

so there i was...

i got on the bus, sat down and picked a paper up off the floor to read. i put in on the seat next to me because i didnt have a spare hand to hold it. my head was bowed reading the paper on the seat beside me. suddenly it moved. i looked up and a man had taken it, i assumed he wanted to sit down so i smiled slightly, with an underlying irritation. he didn't sit down. he was just stealing the newspaper i was reading. he took it and sat down elsewhere.

gobsmacked.

and the coming year

well i guess work will be very quiet but maybe this will help me concentrate on school more. maybe i'll even have spare time??

resolutions then....

work hard at college, less wasting time more concentrating

no more one night stands, if i'm stupid enough to take a boy home my punishment is that i have to be nice to them and agree to at least one date in the future.

be bolder at school, participate more

be nicer. at least 50% kinder than i am now. that shouldn't be too hard.

last year these things happened

its only the 6th but it still feels a little too late to be doing this. nevermind.

had a rather wild new year with andrew n jenna

i got together with JP, falling for persistence, good gifting boyfriend but went on so long in the end and it was too hard to get myself out of the mess i made. a good leanring experience.

amazing trip to America, time with Matt in California and my first wedding. (i have finally got the pictures printed and will be putting them in an album at some point)

subjected to the whims of landlord Janet and so moved to Cardigan terrace. lovely lovely times.

got a distinction in the Art foundation and Simon graduated from Durham.

moved accross the road to Heaton rd.

went to Edinburgh with Michael to open the new Chiqiotos restaurant there, great fun, great drama, terrible management!

started a new course, another degree. doing quite well thanku very much!

immigration raided the restaurant and Ju n JP disappeared

long but not so busy run up to xmas at work with varying amounts and skill levels of chefs

one night stand

TRACY CHAPMAN pure amazing transcendtal evening of pleasure for the ears and heart

one night stand

ill at xmas

very enjoyable new year. kissed a boy who lives on the isle of man. silly girl. fun.